


The Elsinore Village Players

by Small_Hobbit



Category: Hamlet - Shakespeare
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26320678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Hobbit/pseuds/Small_Hobbit
Summary: Horatio wonders why he's accepted the role as director of the Players version of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat
Relationships: Hamlet/Horatio (Hamlet)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7
Collections: What If? AU Challenge





	The Elsinore Village Players

**Author's Note:**

> Written for What If AU's 'Musical' challenge

**The Elsinore Village Players**

**present**

**Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat**

Horatio looked at the poster and wondered, not for the first time, how he’d been persuaded to agree to direct the performance. Auditions had been the previous week, and they’d now had their first rehearsal. 

And Horatio was going home with the intention of opening a bottle of wine, because drowning his sorrows seemed to be the only opportunity left to him. That and investing in a set of noise-cancelling headphones.

His partner, Hamlet, had been cast as Joseph, which meant that not only did Horatio have to suffer through twice-weekly rehearsals, but he was constantly being assaulted by ‘Any Dream Will Do’ at all hours of the day and night.

There had been some argument as Laertes also saw himself as Joseph, but it had been pointed out to him that his work took him away from home a lot, so he would miss too many rehearsals. He had been partially mollified by being given the part of Judah, with the arrangement that Horatio would stand in for him when he was absent. 

At the moment Claudius was Pharaoh. Although the role of Joseph had been hotly contended, the only person who really wanted the role of Pharaoh was Gertrude. Horatio hadn’t minded, but popular wisdom had it that Elsinore wasn’t ready for a gender-blind musical yet. Gertrude had had to settle for being Potiphar’s wife, with Polonius playing Potiphar.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern had the roles of Baker and Butler. Neither of them was any good, and logically they should have been relegated to being two of the brothers, but this way they would be unable to ruin the set pieces by going left when they should move right.

Strangely enough, the twelve brothers were relatively good. The actors all had other commitments, which meant none of them wanted a starring part, but they could be relied on to know their words and move in the right direction at the right time. Horatio, therefore, felt that this was one area he need have no concern over.

***

Horatio had just poured himself a large glass of wine when Hamlet came into the kitchen.

“Dad wants to have details for his part,” Hamlet said.

“Which part does he think he’s doing?”

“The ghost.”

“There isn’t a ghost in Joseph.”

“Dad always plays the ghost. And we need his financial backing if we’re to put this on.”

Horatio was tempted to say, “Oh dear, how unfortunate, we won’t be able to perform it after all.” However, he didn’t and instead said, “Tell him I’m just finalising it now.”

Horatio had managed to drink half his glass of wine when his own phone rang. He answered it and then held it at arm’s length, so as not to be deafened by the voice at the other end. It was clear Ophelia was not happy.

“How come I’ve got the role of narrator?” she yelled. “I thought I made it very clear to you that I didn’t want any part in this year’s travesty. I may have said that if you were desperate, I would be one of the brother’s wives, but that’s as far as it went.”

“I was only told the ‘if you are desperate’ offer,” Horatio replied. “Not the bit about the brother’s wife.”

“And which moron from my family told you that?”

“Actually, it wasn’t either Polonius or Laertes.”

“In which case tell Hamlet ..”

Horatio hurriedly interrupted her. “Let me pass my phone over to Hamlet, and you can tell him in person.” 

He gave Hamlet the phone, picked up his glass of wine and returned to the kitchen. 

Horatio had finally finished drinking his wine when Hamlet joined him to return his phone.

“Looks like you have another call,” Hamlet said, thrusting the phone at Horatio and making a rapid retreat.

“Yes!” Horatio snapped, not caring who he was speaking to.

“Claudius here. We’ve had a thought and decided Gertrude really would be best as Pharaoh. I’ll take her part as Mrs Potiphar. I can either do it in a dress, or we can be all modern and have a gay relationship. I’ve spoken to Polonius and he’s happy to play it either way.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Horatio rang off. Then he shouted through to Hamlet, “If you were concerned about being seduced by your mother, you needn’t worry. Claudius will be taking that role now!”

“Wha-a-a-a-a-a-at! No, no way! This is not happening!”

**The Elsinore Village Players**

**present**

**The Sound of Music**

“You’re still going to need to include a ghost.”

“I imagine that will be the least of my problems.”


End file.
